


Say You Need Me

by theolddreamer (atruedreamer)



Category: Kyle XY
Genre: F/M, Requited Unrequited Love, anxiety meets depression meets meltdown, feelings realized, girls supporting girls, realistic dream states
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-12
Updated: 2019-12-12
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:40:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21766987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atruedreamer/pseuds/theolddreamer
Summary: Jessi loved him so much, and yet... he only wanted to be friends. A Kessi story inspired by the previews for epiosode 3.07, and Just Keep Breathing By Automatic Loveletter. A Oneshot.
Relationships: Kyle Trager/Jessi XX
Kudos: 3





	Say You Need Me

**Author's Note:**

> Another story transfer from FF.Net 
> 
> General grammar check, but nothing changed to the structure of the story. 
> 
> Original FF.Net post information in notes at the end of story. 
> 
> I will make a note that I wrote this a decade ago, when I was 21. I don't know that I would have written the story in the direction I did, if I were writing it now in my 30s. It's interesting the shifts and growth we go thru. Regardless, I'm leaving the story as is. I hope you enjoy.

Say You Need Me

_The door slams I wake up_

**_Another illusion I have made of this_ **

_I cry, I swept away every tear that I've cried…_

…So here goes my last chance

I'm a hopeless romantic and I don't understand

Why you don't, why you wont show

Your dangerously into me and **_it's tragic so pathetic_ **

**_I'm in love with you and you just don't get it_ **

**_So when you lay your head at night do you think of me?_ **

_Do you think it's right_ **_to leave me here_ ** _to kick myself_

_To hate myself for all that I felt?_

…So make me this promise, yeah?

Say it with an object of

Emotion feeling, can't stop spinning

**_Just keep breathing, say you need me…_ **

…And I swear

I'll miss your perfect charming selfishness.

 _-Automatic Love Letter (Just Keep Breathing)_.

 **AN:** Its weird but the first time I listened to this song after I saw episode 3.06 Welcome To Latnok, I just felt this song beg me to write a fan fiction. It wasn't until after I started writing that I realized a lot of the song didn't actually fit with my story.

Like for example Kyle isn't leaving like I believe the person in the song is, but a lot of the words still inspired me, those are the parts I've included above. The bold parts are what I really connected with the most when writing this.

Anyway, please enjoy! Once again this is based on the upcoming episode sneak peaks for 3.07 Chemistry 101. Only I didn't lead it in the direction of what I think is supposed to happen in episode 3.08 I kind of made it my own a little. I hope you guys enjoy.

* * *

Jessi took the long way home from the Rack, in an effort to get herself under control. She didn't know that she was ready to do what Lori had suggested. Her steps were getting heavier and her stomach felt hollow. She couldn't believe how anxious she was. This didn't happen to her, she wasn't afraid of anything!

'Except…' she thought to herself.

"Except rejection" She said out loud. She sighed and paused to put her hands on her knees. She pulled in a deep breath and exhaled, hoping to calm herself down, to just keep breathing, but the weight of the world seemed to be pressing down on her. She felt her lips start to tremble; she bit down to try and hold it in, to stop herself from losing control even a little.

Jessi hated crying, it made her feel like she was living up to the low expectations she thought everyone had for her. The first tear fell, and she knew she was helpless to stop the others from following. She sat down on the sidewalk, laid her head down on her knees and just waited. This wasn't that bad, the tears weren't flowing that heavily and she actually felt a sense of calm creep through her the more she cried.

" _Take it all back…"_ That was what Lori had told her to do. It made sense… she had probably weirded Kyle out when she'd run… but she had, had to! He said he didn't see her that way… and then… _"But I do want to be your friend."_ He had been so sincere when he'd said that.

Only _that_ had hurt more than him saying that he didn't see her. It was as if he were making it clear that he would _never_ see her that way, as though by slapping that label on her, he was trying to tell her he couldn't even consider it. She had needed to get away.

So… she ran. It was what she did best. Running away… she really hated that about herself. It's just… she couldn't breathe anymore. The minute he had said the words, she had stopped breathing… so she had to leave. She knew she needed to get away from him before he could see her fall apart.

Taking it back though… taking it back would hurt. 

It wasn't right that she should have to disclaim her own feelings. Shouldn't she stay true to what she believed? Only Lori had said it was the only way… then again Lori had thought she was talking about Cassidy. 

Would Lori have given the same advice if she had known they were talking about Kyle? Was this the right choice?

Jessi realized after a few minutes had passed that the tears had stopped, and she decided right then that she would take Lori's advice because she could think of no other options. She couldn't avoid Kyle forever. She got up and walked the rest of the way home. Very unsure about what outcome doing this would have, but decided nonetheless.

* * *

_Jessi knocked on Kyle's door and found him sitting at his desk. He turned toward her and flashed that brilliant smile of his. She took another breath and stepped into the room, closing the door behind her. She bit her lip, and then sighing pushed off the door toward him._

_He got up from his seat and walked toward her. The both stopped when they were a few feet from each other in the center of the room. Each of them was looking at the other wondering what the other had to say._

" _Kyle."_

" _Jessi"_

_They bother had started at the same time, and for Jessi that broke a bit of the tension, she knew that as much as this would hurt, it was what she needed to do for it not to be awkward between them. She would do this for Kyle, because he would never ask her to take it back, but she knew he wanted her to._

" _Ok so…"_

" _Ok so…"_

_They both had to laugh then. Jessi looked into his eyes and started again. "Kyle, I need to talk to you about what I said last night." She paused, and he nodded his head, waiting for her to continue._

_She kept her eyes on his face, needing to watch his reaction. "I know this all may have come as a surprise," he smiled nodding again, encouraging her to continue. "I wanted to…" her heart was aching as the words went through her mind, "I wanted to tell you that you can just ignore it, I'm taking it all back because it really was just a moment of temporary insanity." She waited, watching to see when he would eventually sigh with relief, to feel the sting in her heart that, that sigh would bring._

_Only Kyle didn't look relieved, his forehead had wrinkled in confusion. Then he shook his head at her, "You can't take it back Jessi!" he said, more seriously than she'd expected. "You can't just take it back…" he trailed off, and she hung on his every breath waiting for him to continue._

" _Because I stayed up all night, unable to sleep because I kept wondering how I could have missed you, how you could have been right in front of me and I missed you."_

_Jessi just stared at him both shocked and with excitement. He reached his hand toward her and she wanted to run into his arms but it was as if she were frozen in place._

" _Jessi?" he said when she didn't move._

" _Jessi!" he said again stepping toward her and putting his hand on her arm._

" _Jessi!"_

* * *

"Jessi!" Kyle asked with concern in his voice. She blinked and looked around; she noticed she was standing just outside Kyle's door. His hand was on her arm and he looked worried.

It took her a second for her mind to catch up with reality. She hadn't talked to Kyle yet, that had been her imagination. She almost laughed out loud, her mind was getting too good as these illusions. She stepped back out of Kyle's touch and looked at him seriously.

"I need to talk to you." Jessi said and waited. He nodded and stepped back to let her in. She walked in and turned back to him, a few feet from the door. She bit the inside of her lip and breathed in deep through her nose. It took all her concentration to keep her voice from cracking at what she was about to say.

"Kyle, I wanted to talk to you about what I said last night," She watched him look down at the floor for a moment before looking up at her and nodding. He didn't smile, and she knew this wasn't going to follow her day dream, when he didn't. She braced herself for the onslaught of emotions that were sure to follow this interaction.

"I wanted to take it back." She said and his eyes widened in hesitant confusion. She continued, "I wanted to say that it was really just a temporary lapse in sanity, and that I want things to go back to the way they were before."

Kyle smiled and said "I'd really like that Jessi." His mood seemed brighter already, and the brighter his mood got, the darker her own grew. She put on a forced tight smile and then said, "Well that was all; I'm going to go lie down, I'm a little tired."

She closed the door softly behind her and then ran to her room and climbed under the covers. She felt as tears began to pour, but these didn't bring the same calm that last set had, they just drained her.

She forced herself to breathe through the pain, she couldn't let herself lose all control, if she did Kyle would feel her pain through their connection and it would negate everything she'd just told him. She focused on breathing, and by doing that, she was able to drift off in a slumber. She preferred her dreams anyway.

* * *

Jessi woke up and looked around for her clock; it was a little after 2 in the afternoon. That meant she'd slept through the morning, which was something she never did. She sat up her body heavy from too much sleep, her mind a little clouded. She rolled out of bed and went about her usual morning activities at a snail's pace. 

Showering, dressing, and eating, it all took much longer today then it ever had before. Nicole was the only one home and if she noticed Jessi's sluggish behavior she didn't say anything.

She was heading back to her room when Kyle came through the front door; he was walking fast carrying a small box with him.

She instantly brightened at the sight of him; it was something she couldn't control. Kyle's presence made everything feel right. She thought back to how she'd been this morning, and realized that she couldn't be that careless anymore. If she were going to pretend she was fine, she'd have to act as though everything was fine even when Kyle wasn't there. 

She decided to make this her first test; if she could keep a front up in front of the one person were it mattered most. If she could fool him… everyone else would be a piece of cake.

"What do you have there?" She asked finding herself actually curious. He looked up and smiled, "I want to try a test that I read about compatibility." She followed him into his room, and took a seat next to him in front of the desk. He explained that he had collected a sample of Amanda and Nate's DNA. She placed an interested smile on her face, and just watched as he went through the motions of preparing the samples.

"Okay," Kyle said "This is Nate's DNA, I'll put a drop on the crystal it should produce a color."

Jessi watch him place a few drops on the stone, and it changed color, "Its green" she said.

"And now Amanda's" he said, and did the same with some of Amanda's DNA. "Hopefully it's a different color." He waited and watched it turn red.

"Its red," he said "They are not a match, now Amanda will think twice about being with Nate.

Jessi fought the muscles in her face to keep them from frowning, she hadn't realized how much harder it would be to pretend nothing had changed. To pretend she was happy Amanda wasn't a match for Nate. Still she forced fake enthusiasm, "Great, so what's next?"

"Well there are a few other loose ends I need to tie up concerning Latnok… but if it works out, maybe I can get my life back, and hopefully Amanda."

The words were painful but Jessi plastered another fake smile on, and listened to the rest of Kyle's plans. Occasionally giving a nod to show she was listening.

* * *

_Jessi got to the party and looked around for Kyle; she wasn't sure where to start when she spotted him, he was across the room talking to Lori and Mark. She was standing off to the side out of the way, and she took a moment to just look at him, to see this beautiful boy who had enraptured her heart so fully._

_She was smiling to herself just letting his carefree nature and smile warm her, even if it wasn't being directed at her. She wanted so badly for him to look at her, and actually see her, as a girl, as a girl who loved him so deeply and so completely she would never be able to walk away from him. Unlike the one girl in particular that he liked to spend his time pining away after._

_She leaned against the wall she was resting against and closed her eyes for a moment, imagining that Kyle had asked her here tonight to actually be with her, and not for some plan that was ultimately supposed to lead him back to Amanda._

_She opened her eyes with a sigh, looking over to where Kyle was to find him looking at her. Her heart skipped a beat when he smiled, looking her over appreciatively. She pushed off the wall and started walking toward him, keeping her eyes trained on his face._

_He was watching her walk, watching her every step. The way her hips moved, the way the dress she was wearing clung to her body. She loved it, loved that he was paying her any attention. She stopped when she got to him, just inside his personal space, feeling brave from the looks he had been giving her. She caught his eyes and held them._

_He was looking at her differently than he ever had before, noticing the subtle differences the makeup Lori had applied did to her face. She watched his eyes drift to her lips and instinctively bit her bottom lip, and motion that brought a small smirk to his lips._

_Kyle reached his hand out to finger one of her curls, and then placed it behind her ear. Jessi's whole body heated up from the small fraction of a second that his hand grazed her skin._

" _Jessi…" Kyle said, his eyes moving back to hers "You look beautiful." He seemed amazed, his eyes revealing the epiphany he seemed to be having as they grew wide and his mouth parted._

_She realized that he was seeing her, actually seeing her in this moment. Knowing that, was all the encouragement she needed, she stepped closer to him and slid her right hand over his shoulder and into his hair pulling him to her. She pushed up on the balls of her feet and her lips connected with his. She expected him to pull away, to stop her._

_He didn't._

_Both of Kyle's hands moved to cup her face, returning her kiss with a passion she was starting to think she'd never get to feel._

* * *

Jessi blinked and looked around, her eyes refocusing, the last few moments having yet again been another illusion. She knew that this wasn't a date; she knew that this was all a ploy for Kyle to try and get Amanda back, but she couldn't help her mind from wishing it was more... She could live in her own illusionary world for the night, pretending that Kyle was looking at her as though she were all he wanted.

Couldn't she?

'Yes!' She thought… 'I can pretend.' She glanced down at the dress she was wearing; it was a beautiful red piece. She would have to remember to thank Lori for her help. Lori had done her makeup, and curled her hair; it was great getting to bond with her over this kind of stuff. She was glad that they were growing closer. She just hoped she wouldn't be too upset when she realized this was all for Kyle, and not Cassidy.

Jessi bit her lip, nervous about Kyle's reaction, or she feared his _lack_ of reaction. She froze again now unsure about whether to go down stairs. 

What if he didn't say anything? What if he did? She realized that this is how it would always be now. She'd always be unsure about what to expect from him… but she knew she should prepare herself for the worst. 'Maybe… pretending isn't the answer…' she thought, 'I can't just ignore his actual reactions...'

She sighed deciding to just get this over with; she pushed off the wall and stepped around the corner to the stairs that led to the common room. She began her descent, stepping carefully. The heels Lori gave her may have been short, but she was still used to walking in flats.

Once she decided she had the hang of it she glanced up and immediately spotted Kyle, his face was surprised at first, his eyes roamed her body taking in the dress, her hair, her face, everything. Then he smiled. It was amazing; he was looking at her the way she imagined, better than she had imagined.

She felt lighter, happier, in the few seconds it took to see him, seeing her. She gave a small wave, and smiled. He had stopped where he was, and turned toward her, waiting.

When Jessi finally got to the bottom, she walked over and stopped in front of him. He looked awestruck, and she couldn't believe it was because of her. She waited to see if maybe she was going to wake up in a moment.

"You look so beautiful Jessi" he said and then just stared at her. She didn't feel self conscious at all; she loved being the object of his attention. She waited, holding her breath, but they were both still standing here, and he was still looking at her.

This wasn't a dream.

"Kyle," she paused, glancing around and spotting the dance floor, "Do you want to dance?" she asked.

He smiled one of his smiles, and led her over to the dance floor; a fast paced song that was more beat than words was playing and Jessi closed her eyes as the music took over. She got so caught up in the beat and the movements that time seems to stand still. 

She could feel Kyle dancing close to her, and that made her smile. She felt so free that she was almost disappointed when the music shifted to a slower song, but when Kyle moved closer to her and pulled her toward him she lost any disappointment she had begun to feel.

Her heart started pounding and she hoped Kyle would just assume it was from the dancing. She rested her head against his shoulder and closed her eyes. She had to memorize and lock this moment into her memory, had to keep it perfectly preserved.

His arms were holding her tight against her, and she wondered if maybe he had shifted his thoughts about her. If it was possible he had actually started to think of them together. Maybe he didn't know how to tell her that he wanted her after she had taken her feelings back. She smiled into his shoulder, breathing his scent; it was clean like soap with a woodsy smell mixed in.

She closed her eyes again and focused on how this felt, to be so close with him. She reached her arms up to wrap a little tighter around his neck, her fingers toying with the hair at the nap of his neck. She felt the lid on her heart start to crack open. If Kyle was holding her this way, and looking at her the way he had… maybe she didn't need to hold her feelings back anymore.

She took a deep breath and when she exhaled she started to let the barrier she'd build up down, and that's when suddenly he pulled away, and stormed off. She stood there for a second looking at where he'd just been, and then turned to watch just as he got to Amanda and Nate. She watched him push Nate away from Amanda.

Watched him completely forget about her…

Jessi turned slowly away from the scene, her heart pounding in her chest. She fought to put the barrier back up, to keep herself in control, but it hurt too much, and she was feeling light headed, she felt frozen. She realized she'd stopped breathing, and she forced her body to suck in some oxygen.

Once she did she could move again, only she didn't know where to run to. She was starting to panic when Lori was suddenly at her side. She watched Lori look at her face and then look at where Kyle had run off to, then at her again. 

Lori didn't ask any questions, she didn't need to. She grabbed Jessi by the arm and towed her off in the direction of the bathrooms.

Jessi couldn't talk, if she started talking she might lose her focus, and if she lost that she would lose her control and her emotions would really be laid out there for everyone, but more importantly for _him_ to see… 

Jessi did the only thing she could do, she breathed in and she breathed out. It was the only way to keep going.

Lori pulled her into a hug, and held on tight mumbling something about hugs having a calming effect. Jessi was surprised when her heart slowed down and she didn't have to focus so hard on breathing. 

Instead she focused on not thinking, she felt herself shutting down, felt everything around her growing more distant. Lori pulled back after a few minutes, but kept her arm around her. Lori led her out of the bathroom and out the back, away from the party.

"I should have known…" Lori said, her tone suggesting that she was not expecting Jessi to comment. "I should have figured that you were talking about Kyle all this time…" Lori sighed, her arm tightening around Jessi, "Or rather… I should have accepted that I knew you were talking about Kyle, and not tried to believe it was Cassidy."

Jessi didn't say anything; she was lost in her own mind, trying so very hard not to think about anything, to remain in control. She was barely aware of what she was doing, but didn't care enough to try and pay attention. 

She remembered getting in the car, she remembered sitting in a tub, she remembered being covered in blankets and she remembered asking Lori to leave her and wishing she hadn't as the tears took over and her control broke completely.

The raw emotion was too much to handle as it crashed down on her all at once, and she passed out soon after, drifting in and out of consciousness.

* * *

Lori couldn't believe it… Jessi was broken. 

It didn't fit. Jessi always seemed so strong to her, not just physically but emotionally. Lori knew that she and Jessi may have butted heads on occasion but she had come to love her like a sister, more and more every day. Jessi had become a part of Lori's family.

Lori glanced over at Jessi in the passenger seat. She looked like a child, none of her fierce attitude present at the moment. All of the bravado had gone in an instant.

Lori thought back to earlier that day, when she had helped Jessi get ready for tonight. It had been so great to have another girl to get ready with. She had missed the camaraderie; she hadn't had any girl time since way before prom, since Hillary.

That was why she was again glad that Jessi had joined their family, it gave her another girl to talk to. She grit her teeth to think that Kyle had done this to her. If it were anyone else she would have already contemplated a multitude of ways to run them over with this very car.

But, it wasn't _anyone_ it was Kyle… her brother. 

That was what made this so difficult. 

Lori saw Kyle as her brother and Jessi as her sister, but neither Kyle nor Jessi considered the other as a sibling. Jessi clearly loved Kyle more than Lori could begin to comprehend if this was how much he could hurt her.

Now Lori just had to figure out what to do about it… she pulled up the driveway to the house, glad that the parental units were out for dinner and a movie. It meant she wouldn't have to explain why Jessi was the way she was.

Lori walked around to the passenger door and wrapped her arm around Jessi and helped her into the house. She thought about what she always did when she was feeling helpless, and then lead Jessi upstairs to the bathroom. She filed the tub with warm water and some lavender bath salts. It would help Jessi fall asleep even if it didn't make her feel better.

She helped Jessi out of the red dress that they had picked out together, and loosened up her hair and then helped her into the tub. Once Lori had Jessi inside and comfortable she ran and got an extra towel and a change of clothes. She quickly changed into some house clothes of her own and ran back to the bathroom. She wasn't surprised to find Jessi in the same position she was when she left.

She knelt beside the tub and told Jessi to lie back against the bath pillow. Jessi didn't answer her but she did follow her suggestion. Lori told her to close her eyes and again Jessi followed her instructions. 

It was like talking to a child. Lori frowned, and wondered what she could do to help… she got up again and went downstairs to Jessi's room, she folded down the bed and then went and got three extra blankets from the linen closet.

Lori always liked being surrounded in a cocoon of blankets when she was feeling down. It made her feel more secure. She hoped Jessi would like it too; she boiled some water and got some chamomile tea ready. She placed the two mugs in Jessi's room and then went back up stairs.

Jessi was still lying back, but there were small tears pouring down her face. It broke Lori's heart to see her trying to hard to hold her emotions back. Lori grabbed a wash cloth and rinsed it under some warm water and wiped the tears away. Jessi's eyes opened and she gave a small smile, it looked forced.

Lori smiled back and reached her hand out for Jessi to grab, and helped her out of the tub. She helped dry her up with the towel and then got her dressed in the clothes she'd grabbed. Once they got down stairs she helped her into the bed and then climbed in beside her. 

She sat up against the headboard, and helped pull more and more blankets on top of Jessi. It was when she was running her fingers through Jessi's hair that she realized she was channeling her mom. Jessi looked like a lost child, and Lori had felt some motherly instincts kick in.

"Jessi?" she asked, again not really expecting an answer, and again not getting one. "I want you to know that you can trust me, you can let it out and I wont judge you." Lori hated seeing her so lifeless.

Jessi looked up and her then and instead of saying anything, she started to cry. Lori pulled her into a hug, as the sobs wracked through her. She would have held her until she stopped but Jessi pulled away gasping for breath, "Thank you… thanks Lori… but… I… need… to be… alone."

Lori hesitated but got up anyway, she grabbed the cups of tea realizing they would do no good right now. She closed the door and walked to the kitchen. When she got there she saw Kyle leaning against the door with his eyes closed.

Her own eyes narrowed and she saw him look at her, and then frown in confusion at her hostility. She set her jaw and walked over to the sink, deciding not to say anything about this right now. Instead she poured the glasses out and put them in the sink.

"What's wrong Lori?" Kyle asked. Lori spun around to look at him in disbelief. He had to be kidding, was he really completely unaware of what he'd done. Was he really that clueless? Even she could see what was right in front of her, as much as she'd tried to see something else.

"You're a fool you know that!" Lori hissed at him, he looked confused and she wanted to slap him out of it. "You know as charming as you are Kyle, your more selfish than I ever thought possible!"

* * *

Kyle watched Amanda walk away, watched her leave and knew it was over. Amanda didn't want to be with him anymore. She had made that clear. It hurt, but not as much as the uncertainty had. 

At least now he knew and now he could move on, even if he didn't want to. Kyle walked into the house and closed to door. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes.

He decided right then and there that he would accept Amanda's goodbye as reality. When he opened his eyes, Amanda would be in the past. He was just coming to terms with it when he heard someone walk in; he opened his eyes to look, and saw Lori give him a hard glare before walking over to the sink and pouring out the cups she was holding. He didn't like when people were upset with him, especially when he had no clue as to why.

"What's wrong Lori?" Kyle asked, but he wouldn't have said anything if he had known what was coming. He watched her spin around from the sink, eyes blazing. It caught him off guard but he waited to see what she had to say.

"You're a fool you know that!" Lori hissed at him. That wasn't what he'd expected her to say; it didn't make sense why would she think he was a fool.

"You know as charming as you are Kyle, your more selfish than I ever thought possible!" She said in a louder voice, as though she wanted to shout but was holding herself back.

'Selfish?' he thought… 'Why would Lori think I'm selfish?' He looked at her so very confused, but that only seemed to make her angrier.

"Tell me Kyle, where's Jessi?" Lori asked in a sarcastic tone. He frowned when he realized he hadn't thought about Jessi since he walked away from her at the party. He closed his eyes and reached out for Jessi through their connection, when he was suddenly hit with a wave of sadness, pain and heartache. It felt like a wrecking ball had slammed into him. He clutched the counter and looked up at Lori. 

"What's wrong with her? Where is she? Is she in her room?" he started walking toward the door, only to find Lori standing in the way.

"No," Lori said "You don't get to go in there right now; because whatever pain it is your feeling I can assure you she's feeling it ten fold. You need to feel this; maybe it'll teach you not to do anything to cause it again!" She turned around and walked up stairs.

Kyle walked to his room and sat on the edge of his tub, he felt sick to his stomach. Not just from the feelings that were invading his mind but because if Lori was right he was the cause of them. He changed into some pajamas and climbed into his tub, curling into a ball.

He couldn't believe what he was feeling. It was so much more painful than when Amanda had left him. This sadness this depression hurt everywhere. He felt it in his bones, in his muscles, in his head. 

He closed his eyes and focused on blocking out these emotions, it wasn't easy because Jessi was so unguarded she wasn't keeping anything to herself, but he managed.

Kyle sat up in the tub and thought about a couple days ago when Declan had asked him if he thought about Jessi that way. The truth was that he hadn't. It had just never crossed his mind until Jessi said she wanted to be with him.

Honestly he had been relieved when Jessi had taken it all back. It had meant he didn't have to think about it. He could just put it all in the back of his mind. This meant one very serious thing.

Lori had been right. He was selfish.

It had been so much easier to let Jessi take it back then to spend the time trying to figure out how he felt about her. Because a part of him had worried that if he thought about it and he _did_ see her that way, then there was even less of a possibility of getting back together with Amanda.

Now though, there really was no possibility. So he leaned back and closed his eyes to think about Jessi. He flashed back first to his most recent memory, her floating down the stairs toward him at the party. She had looked stunning, beautiful was the word he had used but even now looking at her in retrospect he could see how plain a word that was when trying to describe her.

He thought back to the way she had danced when they had hit the floor, as though the music had taken over every cell of her body. It had been captivating, her confidence. It was what made him pull her to him when the slower song had started. He remembered how perfectly she had fit into his arms and how her hair smelled of vanilla and apricot.

He thought back even further to the kiss they had shared. In hindsight, he could see how drawn he had been to her, and he hadn't even realized it. His heart beating in sequence with hers, their connection so obvious, he really was a fool to have missed it.

He remembered how she had smiled at him after he healed the cut on her forehead. How soft her face had been under his fingers. How grateful he had felt that she was alright.

Remembered all the times she had done things just to make him happy, or so she didn't let him down. The most important of those instances being when she left Sarah to come find him. Jessi had given him more than he could ever ask of her, and in realizing that fact, he wanted to do the same for her.

He wanted to give her more than she would ever ask of him.

Kyle got up and walked down the hall to Jessi's room. She was hidden deep in a pile of blankets her face the only thing visible. He saw the tears staining her cheek and he rushed over and climbed in with her, pulling her against him.

She was sleeping but he had a feeling she knew he was here. He knew Jessi would never actually ask him to stay, and that's why he would. Because, even if she wouldn't ask, she still wanted him to and he was going to start doing everything she'd never ask of him from this day forward.

* * *

_Jessi's eyes snapped open, she rolled over on her side going over that last day dream in her head. Kyle had climbed into bed with her, and was holding her while she cried. Clearly that had been a dream. He would never do that; he would never risk doing anything that could end up costing him his precious Amanda._

_She rolled back onto her back, and spread her arms out like wings on the blanket, and stared up at the sky. She was out in the backyard, taking in the sun and the clouds that passed over head. It was a beautiful day out._

' _Outside…' she frowned… okay so if that was a dream, does that mean I'm awake now. She thought back to the party… she couldn't remember anything that had happened afterward. How had she gotten here, in the backyard, in the middle of the day?_

" _Jessi" she stopped thinking about the hows when she heard him call her voice._

_She sat up and watched Kyle walk across the lawn toward her. She smiled at him and then laid back down. He plopped down beside her, his hand brushing hers. She closed her eyes when she felt the blush creep over her skin. 'Did he do that on purpose?' she wondered curiously._

" _What are you doing?" he asked as he laid down on his back beside her._

" _Just cloud gazing" she answered opening her eyes again. When she turned her head towards him, she found her face inches away from his. Her heart started to race, and he smiled then seeming to have noticed._

_He reached over to cup her face in the palm of his hand. She rolled toward him, and he rolled toward her and the next thing she knew they were kissing. It was so great being kissed by Kyle, it was like the entire world floated away and they were the only two things that mattered._

_She slowly broke their kiss to catch her breath. He rolled back onto his back and she scooted closer to lay her head down in the crock of his arm. She closed her eyes, listening to his heart, as it beat fast in his chest. She smiled; his heart was beating for her._

* * *

Jessi opened her eyes and was surprised when she saw Kyle lying beside her. His arm around her waist keeping her pinned to his chest. She tried to remember how they got here. Then she realized that in her dream she'd thought she'd been dreaming about Kyle holding her while she cried.

Unless… they were all dreams, and her mind was truly more screwed up than she thought possible.

'Maybe…' she pondered, 'Maybe this is wish fulfillment.'

Her subconscious knew that she wanted Kyle to be there for her, so it was keeping her in a constant stream of dreams. Therefore, allowing her to be with him, when she couldn't be in reality, it sounded like something her mind would work up.

She snuggled closer, deciding to hold on the charade as long as she could. Her fingers reached out to trace all the contours of his beautifully chiseled face. She hoped she'd never wake up, but as long as she was here, she might as well try and remember everything about him.

His eyes cracked open when she lightly traced his lips with her fingers. He smiled at her, "What are you doing?" he asked curiously.

"Memorizing what it feels like to be this close, to have you here with me. That way when I wake up I will still remember." She told him, if this were her mind it didn't matter if she said exactly what she was feeling.

"You are awake." Kyle told her, grabbing her hand and holding it against his face.

"Impossible…" she trailed off. "You’re only here like this… here with me… in my dreams" she said giving a disappointed sigh.

Kyle took her hand and kissed her palm and then pulled her closer to him, "You're very much awake, and I am right here." He said seriously, trying to make her see.

Jessi shook her head, her lips becoming a pout, "No, this is definitely a dream, and in a minute I'm going to wake up and be alone again." She snuggled closer to him waiting for her eyes to snap open and find herself standing alone in the kitchen or the hallway or somewhere, proving this was all another illusion she had made up.

Kyle kissed her forehead, "Jessi look at me." She opened her eyes like he asked, "This isn't a dream. This is very much real, and I am not going anywhere." She stared back at him wondering, barely able to hope that he was telling the truth.

"I love you." She told him, waiting to see what his reaction was, to see if saying that would trigger the reaction needed to wake her up, to prove him wrong.

Only, he just smiled at her again. He kissed her lightly, "I love you too. Jessi I am so sorry I hurt you! That I was so foolish, and selfish and ungrateful" He looked very troubled when he asked the next question, "Can you ever forgive me?"

She pinched herself, it hurt. She remembered someone saying you couldn't get hurt in your own dream. Does that mean… She looked at him, and found him waiting for her to answer him.

'This isn't a dream…' her eyes widened at the thought, 'This isn't a dream and Kyle is here with me.' She leaned over to kiss him, long and hard. When she broke away, she smiled at him "Of course I forgive you; I told you no one can stay mad at you. Especially not me."

She poked at his face with her finger. "What are you doing that for?" he asked smiling. "Just checking," she said with a small smile of her own, she couldn't put her cheeks down.

"Hey, make me a promise?" she asked, starting to accept that this was real.

"Anything," Kyle told her.

"Just say you need me." She told him. That was all she would ever want from him, for him to need her like she needed him.

His rested his forehead against hers, his eyes conveying an emotion and feelings that he had never sent her way before, he said the words she so wanted to hear. "Jessi, I need you!"

**Author's Note:**

> Category: TV Shows » Kyle XY  
> Author: A True Dreamer  
> Language: English, Rating: Rated: T  
> Genre: Romance/Drama  
> Published: 02-21-09, Updated: 02-21-09  
> Chapters: 1, Words: 7,362
> 
> I really just have to add, that at 31, I don't really believe in the idea of NEEDING another person to be okay. Wanting another person, and wanting them to be part of your life, and being heartbroken at the realization that that might now come true, totally relatable. Your happiness, and wellness shouldn't be in the hands of another person tho. So it's harder for me to co-sign the "just say you need me" and if it wasn't based on the song, and I was planning to change the story at all, I would probably change it to something like "say you choose me" or something.. but I digress.


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